My current calling in our ward is ward mission assistant. Thursday this week we had a meeting with the Mission President and the are 70 representative to discuss the work in our stake. Of course I left thinking what more could I do, how could I be better, and most of all juggle the spiritual with the temporal. This week Brooke and I had the opportunity to go to the temple. I entered the temple with this meeting still in mind and how I could be better.
Almost immediately after sitting down I began to feel sleepy, and in a matter of a few minutes started to doze off. I really didn't want to waste this time we had to be in the temple and for the Lord to teach me. I said a prayer in my heart that I would be alert and listen to the spirit. Of course I was awakened but not in the way I had imagined. My mind started to race with all the stress and tasks I had with work, school, filing K1 reports and taxes for my business. After several minutes of this and as my heart rate began to increase in anxiety to finish and go home where I could start work on all I had on mind, I had a sharp realization and question of why. Why was I thinking about all this stuff while at the temple? Thankfully I asked someone that knew! I said another prayer and asked Heavenly Father why after waking me up would my mind be filled with all these thoughts, I would have preferred to be asleep than to go this anxiety.
Somehow my mind started to take a turn and think on my post last week about priorities and how putting the Lord first makes all the less important things in life go away and how he will help me align everything else. I left knowing that if I started to dedicate the first hour of my day to him through scripture study, the spirit would be with me and not only help my mind capacity to handle the daily things I need to do but the physical strength on the missed hour of sleep will be caught up in him as well. It wasn't a matter of things will just be okay, rather my abilities and over rate of function would far exceed what I am used to. I thought back to my mission, where I could run all day without getting tired and think at such a high level with the Holy Ghosts influence it felt as if I was floating, nothing seemed impossible.
Soon after I had these impressions I started to doubt. I have been here before, pumped up to go out and succeed, out perform all others and be great. Just as most New Year's resolutions I would do great for a little while before smudging back into my previous self. Afraid of falling again, the Lord kindly reminded me of fast Sunday today and fasting in general. The purpose of fasting is to learn self mastery and perseverance along with a demonstration to show the Lord that I am committed and serious about this change in my life.
The road to exhalation is not easy, nor will it ever be, however we can choose to make it easier by not going it alone. Successful business owners learn relentless resourcefulness. We have an abundance of resources in the Gospel to combat whatever we are faced with and be successful, remember to use them. It is exciting to be on the verge of something new, knowing that the path I am starting on again leads to something great, not just for myself but those that will be impacted by the missionary work we will be doing better as a result.
